Master Skywalker, There're too many of Them!
by Wellingtonboots
Summary: The outer rim sieges are nothing compared to the Jedi Temple, even the Chosen One has to concede with the more mundane, but no less frustrating, aspects of life. Dark humour.
1. Prelude to Disaster

Title:

Master Skywalker, There're too many of them!

**Chapter:** 1. Prelude to Disaster

**Genre:** Dark Humour

**Keywords:** Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi, younglings, Jedi life, Yoda.

**Author:** Wellingtonboots

**Archive:** , Slytherin Serpent

**Summary:** The outer rim sieges are nothing compared to the Jedi Temple, even the Chosen One has to concede with the more mundane, but no less frustrating, aspects of life. Dark humour.

**Chapter Summary: **Being appointed to the Jedi council may have been the highlight of Anakin's return but a would be Jedi master has many unforeseen responsibilities…

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**AN:** Humorous fic that takes you behind the scenes of the Jedi Temple, after all being a Jedi isn't all lightsabres and acrobatics…you have to cook as well.

The title incidentally is a quote from the Revenge of the Sith, just before Anakin kills the younglings inside the council chambers.

**Please Review. **

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The spacious, elegant hallways of the Jedi temple presented a stark contrast to the dirt, grim and death in the outer rim. No a speck of dust could be seen lurking even in the most inauspicious locations.

Sunlight cascaded down through the high windows, sending glowing warmth to all who stood beneath the light. The force was calm and tranquil, embracing its children with tender touches and comforting swirls.

_It was good to be home. _

Anakin had not had the time to fully appreciate how much he had missed the temple in the long months spent in gruelling off world missions. He almost envied the librarians and scholars who spent all their days dusting the archives and enjoying the views.

Now, five weeks after his return from saving the Chancellor, Anakin's heroics had finally paid off.

"_I am appointing you to be my personal representative on the Jedi Council"_

The Chancellor's decision seemed ludicrous to Anakin, but of course he did not voice his concerns. However the council eventually caved under in the insistence of Palpatine himself and Anakin was officially a Jedi Master.

_Well, not really a Jedi Master, that privilege had been denied. _Even now a sickly boiling sense of injustice threatened to overtake his senses. He hastily pushed his anger away into the force with one of the many Jedi calming tricks that Yoda had forced him to practise as a padawan.

_Even if I am not a Jedi master I am still on the council, one of the youngest members ever appointed. 23 and still going strong!_

So he stood there in front of the giant windows surveying the bustling city below and basking in the glow of the force. Obi Wan had once commented that Anakin's aura was so strong that knights could sunbath in _his _glow. However his control of the force was pale in comparison with the awesome raw power of nature and many times he found himself gazing at the Sun in wonder.

His chronometer started to beep intently in a jingle that he had purchased from a street dealer on Moons of Gall. Three young female padawans rushed past sending scandalized looks in his direction. Anakin merely smiled charmingly and ran a hand through his wavy hair, which was in dire need of cutting.

However once he caught sight of the time, the confidently smug smile disappeared faster than a Gungan missile. He was nearly late for his interview with Yoda!

The wrinkled, green Jedi master always managed to ruin his days but this time Anakin was looking forwards to meeting him, after all they were nearly equals now.

Tearing down the polished hallways with anticipation, Anakin nearly knocked over a passing Knight.

"Sorry," he cried as he nimbly flipped sideways to avoid a collision and landed calmly on one of the nearby statues.

"Always on the move," commented Obi Wan sarcastically as he dusted invisible dirt from his neutral toned robes.

"Sorry, master I didn't know it was you," said Anakin with a grin.

He had not seen his master in the morning as Obi Wan had departed early for a war council and had not sought to take Anakin with him. Under normal circumstances Anakin would have felt at least insulted by his former master's decision but he now understood that as a Jedi Council member he could pick and choose what briefings he wanted to attend and Obi Wan _knew it_.

"Well, even if it wasn't me you still shouldn't have been barraging down the corridor like a rampaging reek. You could have seriously injured someone," lectured Obi Wan sternly. Anakin tired and failed to stop his eyes from rolling.

"Obi Wan…"

"And speaking of someone, hadn't you better hurry up, Master Yoda is waiting for you,"

"Of course, master. I'll be visiting an acquaintance at lunchtime so I won't be able to cook…" said Anakin sheepishly, trying to avoid the glint of panic in his master's features.

Obi Wan could not cook to save his life.

"Well, I suppose I shall have to dine in the canteen with the younglings. It is never too early to start familiarising myself with a potential padawan," replied Obi Wan smoothly savouring the jibe.

"I would be honoured to stay but I have a meeting to attend," declared Anakin with mock haughtiness, "So long, Master Kenobi."

Having taken heed of Obi Wan's warning Anakin proceed down the corridor in a more dignified manner. In background he could hear Obi Wan comforting the three stunned padawans.

The interior of Yoda's chambers was predictably Spartan for a Jedi master. Three small cream pouffes, more suited to Padme's apartment than the Jedi temple, and a low coffee table were the only pieces of furniture in the main room.

"Welcome, you are Anakin, take a seat you should," the small hunched figure of master Yoda appeared into view and pointed to the smallest of the pouffes.

_He expects me to sit on __**that**__?! _

Perhaps his surprise and blatant disgust transmitted through the force because Yoda looked equally disapproving.

"Comfortable seats they are. Sit on them Mace, Shaak Ti do,"

"With all due respect Master Yoda, I…"

"Long legs you have, stretch them out you can," answered Yoda, still pointing obstinately at the pouffe. The glint in the old master's eye prohibited further debate and Anakin lowered himself onto the bag of beans with as much Jedi dignity as he could muster.

"Called you I have to discuss great things," said Yoda more politely. "Refreshment, you need, hurried have you,"

After thirteen years at the Jedi temple Yoda's astute observations were still beyond comprehension. Either that or the three padawans had snitched on him.

"Refreshment would be most welcome," replied Anakin courteously, thirteen years in the Jedi temple had taught him to play along with the masters.

"Would you like tea or coffee?" came the baritone voice of Mace Windu, which nearly caused Anakin to jump off the pouffe in surprise. He had not sensed a disturbance in the force to signal Windu's arrival.

"Stay with me, Mace is, share an apartment we do. Here to 'grill' you he is not," explained Yoda seriously but the humours glint in his eye indicated that he had sensed Anakin's surprise.

"I shall take some tea, please," said Anakin desperately pulling what was left of his dignity around him.

"We are short of space because of the war, many apartments have been converted," informed Mace as he bustled out of sight in the kitchen.

A sinking feeling permeated Anakin's stomach; the sensation of a hope lost was slowly but steadily growing. _If even the masters had to share an apartment..._

"But with so many knights off world…" said Anakin carefully keeping the complaint in his voice to a bare minimum.

"Not enough the temple has, sacrifices made must be," hummed the old Jedi master letting the words seep in his wisdom, but that had never convinced Anakin.

"We understand you put your name down for a personal apartment, and as a knight with many years of service we also understand that you deserve some solitude. However you must realise our predicament, despite having many Jedi off world, their stays are severely sporadic and it would make no sense to assign an apartment to someone who is hardly ever present. You will find that even master-padawan pairs share." Stated Mace Windu in his commanding tone leaving Anakin thoroughly put out.

"Discuss this we will, more important things we have now," said Yoda bringing the potential disagreement to a halt. "Many responsibilities a Jedi Master has," he continued sounding ominously cryptic. Anakin felt his stomach stink even deeper into the abyss.

Mace interrupted Anakin's visions of impending doom by setting two small cups of tea on the coffee table and retreating silently into a neighbouring room. Small curls of steam billowed out from the cups causing Anakin's mind to manipulate the shapes into morbid images.

"To fear you need not, responsibilities endanger your master's life will not," chuckled Yoda sounding highly amused. Anakin simply sat there looking rather stunned.

"Train new generation we must, long must the Jedi continue. Experienced you are in art of combat but teacher you are not,"

Anakin furrowed his brow trying to discern exactly what horrendous experience Yoda was plotting this time and picked up the warm cup of tea.

"Assist Obi Wan you shall, teaching sabre techniques to younglings tomorrow you start,"

Anakin spilt his tea.

Due to his unfortunate position, hot, steaming liquid splashed like lava down the front of his thin cream coloured pants causing him to howl in distress. The boiling pain spread down his legs as he clumsily tried to soak up the burning liquid with his hands.

A frayed square of cream cloth appeared unsympathetically under his nose and he swiped it up without glancing at his assistor. Pressing as hard as possible at the epicentre of the pain, Anakin did not notice the humiliating position he had taken until Mace Windu cleared his throat self-consciously.

Blushing with realisation Anakin hastily clambered up with some difficulty; the force seemed to have deserted him in his time of need.

"To refresher, you should go," muttered Yoda who had turned to face the wall.

Without another word Anakin sucked the force to cloak his thoughts and stalked away to the small refresher with the shattered remnants of his dignity arranged as best he could.

Fifteen minutes later a much more controlled Anakin emerged from the refresher, he had even combed his hair which had inexplicably become tattered during the confusion. However all attention focused on the yellowish stain half hidden but still clearly visible underneath Anakin's black leather tarbard.

"If I may take my leave of you now, Master Yoda," said Anakin, his voice steady and calm.

Mace looked as if he was about to protest for he had no doubt been listening to their conversation, which was far from over. However Yoda waved impatiently at Mace without quite meeting him eye.

"Leave you may, spend more time with Obi Wan and younglings you should, dine with them I recommend," muttered Yoda without looking in Anakin's direction.

"Thank you for your time, Master Yoda, Master Windu."

They would have been impressed with his restraint, if Yoda was not so eager to usher him out of the door. Jedi have always been prudish, no more so than the Grand Master Yoda and Anakin was glad that for once Yoda had allowed him some personal space.

With a natural grace Anakin Skywalker swept from the room, the perfect picture of a wise controlled Jedi Master…apart from the stain down his front.

Humiliation was too soft a word to describe what had just happened. It had taken every ounce of his force skills to prevent himself from falling into shambles, but he had made it out of the apartment without flying into a fit of rage.

_Yoda…how does he do it? Every single time I see him…he may as well be an omen of bad luck!_

The burning embarrassment and rage curled in his stomach, boiling the blood in his veins. Anakin battled to control the flood of emotions tearing through him like an unstoppable river of fire.

_Anger leads to the dark side…_

He was so focused on his internal battle that he did not see the small youngling dart out from one of the training rooms until he was right in front of him. The force was playing cruel tricks on his for the little boy's eye line was conveniently situated to cause the most damage.

He gasped.

If Anakin had not been the Chosen One he could not have been able to stall the rush of rage that gripped him by the throat and threatened to do the same with the boy.

"Run alone, young Liam, your master is waiting for you," said Anakin trying and failing to imitate Obi Wan's wise and affectionate tone.

Liam did not move, instead something akin to laughter flashed across his features and he dashed back inside the training room holding his hand over his mouth.

Anakin had half a mind to run in there and grab the boy before he could do any harm, but that would not bode well for a Jedi Council Member. Pulling his tarbard down as low as it would go, which wasn't very low Anakin hurried down the corridor. Leather was a highly temperamental fabric and his tabard displayed the trait with pride.

Suddenly he felt the glow of a familiar presence in the corridor, swirling around, completely ignoring the awkward angle of his tarbard, Anakin felt a wave of relief wash over him.

Obi Wan was approaching and he was wearing a _cloak_…

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**AN: Even Jedi have accidents.**

**Please review…it really keeps me going.**


	2. Jedi Gossip

**Title:** Master Skywalker, There're too many of them!

**Chapter:** 2. Jedi Gossip

**Genre:** Dark Humour

**Keywords:** Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi, younglings, Jedi life, Yoda.

**Author:** Wellingtonboots

**Archive:** , Slytherin Serpent

**Summary:** The outer rim sieges are nothing compared to the Jedi Temple, even the Chosen One has to concede with the more mundane, but no less frustrating, aspects of life. Dark humour.

**Chapter Summary: "To the library, Watson!", "Master Obi-wan, you are not Sherlock Holmes - no even close..."**

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**AN:** Not only are the Jedi master of athletics and combat they are also extremely good at spreading gossip. After all what else is there for a librarian to do?

Personally this chapter has been in the works for over 4 years - yes that must be some kind of record. I've finally happy to post it here.

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"I don't think Master Depa is making any real progress," sighed Obi Wan as he strolled along side his former apprentice down the hallowed hallways of the Jedi temple.

"She's been in a coma for 3 years now," agreed Anakin, his voice grim. "I don't know but Master Windu seems…affected by this new development."

"He has ordered the healers to monitor her more closely but that is to be expected," said Obi Wan, "I highly doubt that a master like Mace would be so _attached_."

"The problem with you, Master, is that you always seemed to believe in the superhuman quality of others," countered Anakin, "Mace Windu is as human as the rest of us."

They fell into a thoughtful silence as they continued towards the Grand Archives, where Anakin hoped they would find some help articles on _teaching_.

Anakin had confessed, after some interrogation, that he did not have the slightest idea of how younglings were taught, having never been one himself. Thus Obi Wan had decided to turn the whole horrific experience into a twisted version of a "Padawan Lesson". Anakin had been too abashed to remind Obi Wan that he had been knighted three years ago.

As they approached the grand doorway to the hall of Learning, three young padawans slipped out, the same padawans Anakin had encountered only yesterday. The moment they saw Anakin approaching the three girls burst into an uncontrollable fit of giggles.

Suddenly a cold sense of dread gripped Anakin's stomach…_it can't be!_

"What are you three laughing at?" demanded Obi Wan in his most authoritative voice. Not that he needed to ask, he already knew stories of Anakin's mishap would have circulated the Temple twice by now.

"Nothing, Master Kenobi," replied the boldest girl as she wiped the smirk from her face and fidgeted nervously with her padawan braid. "We were just discussing an interesting new article."

Her companions shifted awkwardly behind her, clearly uncomfortable at been interrogated by such a senior master.

_Thank the force Obi Wan has some influence around here, because I would probably end up choking all three of them_.

"I do not like liars, Padawan Lanu Pasqi and I shall be having a word with your Master tonight. That goes for all three of you," added Obi Wan menacingly. "If I hear any more about your obnoxious behaviour I shall personally see to an appropriate punishment myself. Now be off with you."

Anakin couldn't help but grin at the rapidly disappearing backs of the three girls. _That'll teach you to mess with Obi Wan Kenobi. _

"Disgraceful," said Obi Wan in a contemptuous tone usually reserved for droid armies. "Padawans these days, gossip seems to have usurped the Jedi Code."

"I fully understand, Master," replied Anakin grinning widely. "Those children needed to be taught a lesson,"

"Don't get carried away, my young apprentice," said Obi Wan calmly and then realised his mistake. "…my young _knight_."

"Thank you, Master, I do so appreciate that you remembered my station," said Anakin sarcastically.

"Don't use that voice with me, Anakin," snapped Obi Wan with a warning tone, "I may not be your master anymore but I am still more senior than you are."

Anakin signed and decided to change the subject as they proceeded into the Archives.

"How was dinner with the younglings?" he inquired hoping to hear some traumatising and consequently entertaining experiences.

"Oh, I had dinner with Master Yoda, he invited me just after you ran away," replied Obi Wan lightly as they approached the librarian's desk.

"I did not run away, I needed the refresher," hissed Anakin through clenched teeth as the librarian looked up from her desk.

"Ah, how may I help you Master Kenobi?" inquired Jocasta Nu as she neatened the small pile of datapads on her desk.

"We are looking for some information on current methods of youngling training," said Obi Wan respectfully.

"Of course the education archives are in row number 10,"

Obi Wan nodded placidly and headed in the direction where the librarian had pointed leaving Anakin staring blanking into space as he had been doing for the past few minutes during the exchange.

"And how can I help you Master Skywalker? Perhaps you would like to know where the nearest refresher is?" asked Jocasta without even a change in expression.

Anakin's surprise was quickly replaced by an itching sense of anger and embarrassment. _Even the librarian knows! Why, I should really have grabbed that kid and wiped his memory clean!_

"No thank you Master Nu, I can locate the refresher for myself almost as well as you can locate your archives. They are after all of similar importance,"

The look on Jocasta Nu's face was priceless but even as he savoured the sweet feeling of revenge Anakin knew he had gone too far. The librarian swooped away in a huff, her eyes betraying her lust for revenge.

"What was that about?" demanded Obi Wan as he returned to the desk only to find Anakin staring at the retreating back of Jocasta Nu with a twisted and sour smile.

"Nothing, Master, she simply enjoys tormenting me,"

"Oh… so she knows too…" said Obi Wan the realisation dawning on him. "Don't worry Anakin; this whole thing will blow over within a couple of days. You know the only reason people are making such a fuss is because you are the Chosen One."

Anakin mumbled something incoherent as Obi Wan proceeded to check out the datapads. There was little he wouldn't do for his apprentice but stopping Jedi spreading gossip was like making Anakin smile at Master Yoda, a noble yet completely futile course of action.

The archives that Obi Wan had unearthed proved to be slightly more helpful than the librarian and after pouring over a few simple guides (for padawans) Anakin decided that teaching was exactly the same as blowing up a Federation control ship, planning, skill and sheer dumb luck were all essential.

"Ah yes, the Tossing Game, I remember that," said Obi Wan with a nauseating tone of nostalgia. "I used to always fall over before anyone else and they called me Oafy-Wan."

Anakin was inclined to comment on how appropriate the nick name was but then decided that it would be something in the realm of a diplomatic disaster to anger his former master just when he needed him most.

"Alright, Master do you think we can handle this lightsabre class this afternoon?" asked Anakin.

Obi Wan graced him with one of his _looks_ which blatantly said _have we met?_

"Anakin, no matter how bad these younglings are I am sure they could never hope to match the powers of the _Chosen One_. After handling you for thirteen years I am quite qualified to tame an entire clan of rancors."

"You know Obi Wan, maybe I _will_ be the death of you some day," said Anakin menacingly but trying all the same to contain his laughter. Of course he had broken many rules as a padawan but never had he purposely tried to make Obi Wan's life difficult, if you didn't count the time he smear the refresher seat with superglue or the time when he programmed Obi Wan's fork to electrocute him or any of the other times when his lust for revenge had bordered on the Dark Side.

Obi Wan simply _looked_ at him.

"Alright Master, I know I used to be a handful but right now I'm not sure what I'm going to do with these kids…"

"Anakin, you'll be fine, you have entire armies under your command."

"Yes, Master but the clones don't talk back to me…"

"Anakin, you are going, end of discussion."

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The youngling's training room was decorated in vulgar rainbow coloured patterns that looked as if a blind nexu had been allowed to express its artistic self using paint soaked sponges.

On the walls hung a row of holo pictures depicting every member of the Jedi High Council performing a ridiculous move. Obi Wan was seen grinning whilst astride a tiny toy bantha that was crushed into the ground, while Yoda was happily sitting at a tea table with several dolls. Ominously, hanging right at the very end was an empty frame with the caption: Anakin Skywalker.

"Are they really expecting me to _pose_ for a holo pic?" whispered Anakin hoarsely.

"Oh don't be so prudish, the younglings must be familiar with us."

"_I have a bad feeling about this_," replied Anakin hoping to sound as ominous as possible.

"For stars sake Anakin, you're not on the Outer Rim anymore; there is no need for this level of dramatics. Oh and don't tread on any toys while you're here the children will be _very_ upset."

Before Anakin could inquire as to the nature of the penalty for upsetting any of the children the kindly crèche master bustled in clutching a tub of brightly coloured balls.

"Oh Anakin, Obi Wan, I'm so glad to see you've arrived. I'm sorry to say that the Bear Clan can't be here today because Liam is being punished for…" the human Jedi Master paused in a very obvious kind of way and then continued, "well, anyway, Mari Amithest is ill and we think JK has come down with the same strain of virus. So I am most sorry that the lightsabre lesson has been cancel. I would have notified Master Yoda but I was…caught up dealing with young Liam."

"Oh no, it's perfectly fine," said Anakin feeling as if the force was truly with him today.

"But the Katarn Clan have been studying your exploits and they so wanted to meet the two heroes of the Jedi Order…" the crèche master looked almost pleadingly at them with his large glassy eyes that reminded Anakin of a particularly dangerous species of fish.

"Of course, we would be glad to give them some instruction," said Obi Wan joyfully before Anakin could get a proper force grip around his throat. "Might I enquire as to how advanced they are?"

_No, no, no. Obi Wan do you have to ruin everything?_

The crèche master looked as though the New Year had come early and eagerly drew out a prepared datapad from the folds of his robes.

"There are twelve of them between the ages of ten and thirteen. Many of them are _looking_ for a Jedi Master."

_Fat chance of them taking Obi Wan_, thought Anakin and suddenly recoiled in disgust at his own possessiveness but it simply felt too weird if Obi Wan were to take another apprentice.

"Of course," replied Obi Wan scrolling carefully through he holo pics on the datapad with great interest. Various children of different species cropped up each looking more eager than the last.

"They'll be arriving shortly. I'll just be off now." With that the crèche master bundled off with great haste as though he knew what was coming.

"_Master_, I do not believe you just agreed to teaching…"

"Anakin, be quiet, I'm trying to read…"

"You are not seriously thinking of taking on a new padawan are you? We are in the middle of a war, you would have to take the child on missions to the Outer Rim, to the midst of ferocious battles -,"

"Anakin, one day this war will be over and sooner than you think. I believe it is time to start training a new generation of knights to replace the ones we lost."

Rolling his eyes again with enough melodrama to warrant another disapproving look from his former master, Anakin flopped down into the nearest structure resembling a chair and waited for imminent doom.

Suddenly, just as he was getting rather comfortable on the padded stool, the sounds of over excited voices reached his ears.

"That would be _them_, I gather," muttered Anakin as his mind automatically started to calculate how many beanbags and softballs he would need to blockade the door.

"Really Anakin, they are younglings not gungarks!" said Obi wan in exasperation, "so for stars sake try to _smile_."

Anakin was too occupied with pulling his face muscle into a badly formed leer to notice the first youngling launching himself through the air like a missile headed right for him.

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**AN: I know this story has been a long time in the making but trust me, more hilarious stuff to come! Please review!**


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